Government friend zoned us

‪Govt is like that girl who run behind the guy with money ( corporate ) and everyone else (mango people) are friend zoned. Friends (mitr) keep doing favor to her in her good and bad times but in return seldom gets hugs and few mentions.
They also get false hope that someday she will be accompany them but no she will marry the rich guy because you are funny but poor while he is rich and control money.
So what if he is abusive?
So what if he is sleeping with other girls too?
He is paying the govt to stay in power with eyes closed.
That's enough.

A small note

No matter what people tell you that you are not romantic or you are dude like..
But I know the other side of you too..
That hidden girl in you..
The girl who is so damn romantic..
You never behave so..
But still I know..

I tried..

I knew I am in love when I asked to hold your hands for the very first time..
Remember that night?
You were going home by bus
But didn't tell you..
Because perhaps I didn't know it was that deep until I felt the pain of parting from you at the railway station that day..

May be it is hard to explain..
May be I can't tell you how I feel..
It was kind of a heart-sinking feeling though..
I could physically feel that something broke in my heart..

If you would ask me reasons behind it.. may be I won't be able to describe..
May be because there is no reason at all..

Now, when I know all this..
I can't stop thinking about us..
I love you more than ever..

I know you can't love me even if you want or I want..
Because of your promises to yourself and your parents..
I know you don't feel the same way I feel about you..
But at least I want to deserve you..

I tried to move on..
I tried hitting on girls..
I tried to think about them..
Nothing worked..
I kept thinking about you..
So I decided..
I will better be with you..

Life's Little Paradox..

What is life? Isn't it just an opinion of the person who is living or the person who is related to it, in one way or another?

If I think my life is good and meaningful then of course I will see everything in a different and happier way. Its opposite is true too. If I think my life is not as meaningful at all and I am unhappy from the way things turned out for me. I will be sulking and remain such, unless something more dreadful or something very good happens to me.

Now let’s see this from others point of view. Suppose, for a moment it doesn’t matter what I feel inside, if I am happy or sad. The way I show and reflect to other people I will be perceived and treated respective way. If I am happy I will attract more people. If I stay sad for long, may be in the beginning people will try to make me feel good or cheer me up but after sometime they will stop being nice to me and might leave me as well.

I was something else but I showed them something different. For them my truth is what they perceive from my personality. So again this is merely an opinion of others about me.

These opinions, mine or theirs forms a circle. The meaning of life becomes how and what I think about it. If in my opinion booking a seat to heaven is the meaning of life then I will do every good deed to earn enough credits and then I will kill myself shunning any possibility of doing anything that might make me lose credits. So is doing suicide rational? No!

This whole idea of finding a meaning of life is a big lie I think. We become like a dog chasing his own tail.

I wonder if you didn't even lived your life till the end how could you even think that your life had reached a point where you should start looking for its meaning? Who knows that the meaning of your life won't change once you find it out?

There are numerous questions laying and creeping on the floor of human mind and no one can answer them correctly but he himself.

So I think first purpose of life is to live it. If you didn't, you will never be able to understand what was it is all about and what is its meaning.

Lost the meaning of silence

On her birthday I didnt call her.. I messaged her instead..
I don't know why I was so scared to talk to her..
I don't know why the voice that could made my day once became so fearful to me..
I couldn't gather guts to talk to her.. I thought what would I talk about?
I was not scared of talks I was scared of the silence that would follow after few initial question answers..
"Hi how are you?"
"I am fine. you tell??"
"Me good too.."
"And so.."
"So nothing.."
"Whats plan on birthday..?"
"Party with friends and all.."
"Hmmm.."
"Hmmm.."

And silence after that..
The silence.. that I thought was signature of our closeness for only close people can stay silent without feeling awkward..
Now that silence scared me..
Was that the first sign that we are not close anymore??
What could I do to fix that?
I kept thinking whole night...
But couldn't find any answer..

Is that what I called love?
If that is love.. why does that hurt so much?
Why it keeps me from talking to her..?
Perhaps thats what happens when love penetrate your soul..
Your mind and soul start that conflict and between that only the body perish..

Convenience of Time

'I am scared' he said, 'scared because perhaps in future, god forbid, there might come several moment when I will not be able to provide you with all the things you deserve. May be we left alone without home of our own and so no car not everything that a home possesses today. I earn less money now then I use to. I am not that well and happy anymore. I am going through a big trench caused by financial and mental crunch we suffered recently. Everything become inconvenient for us. At that moment I will need your hand to hold mine. You are the person i would believe in that bad time. If you would call me loser I will be shattered and kneel down in front of that situation to surrender and devour me. If you will say that we can get over with it together and you are with me, I would stand tall in front of the problem and soon attain victory over it. But I am scared that at such moment you will leave me. You will leave me on my own to fight alone with eveything. I am scared of being left alone by the one I believe in so much. Why, because the time is not that easy anymore? I am scared of such a time. I strongly feel some day may come when I will be broke. That time my love will the be worst and the best time for me. A woman can make man a winner or looser.'

She didn't say anything in reply. Because he said all of this to himself only.

A long forgotten Diary : A poem

A diary that got wet in the rain last night is drying fast..
I'm Wondering if I should make a trip to the memoir..
I turned a few pages with my left hand..
Ink has spread on the paper..
Like blue clouds in white sky..
Few words lost; even their impression gone from the paper..
I close my eyes to recollect what could have been written there..
On a few pages, even dates washed away..
I can't even identify them in my memories..
Butterflies playing in my heart; while I'm missing the old days...
And I am cursing myself..
What if I could have saved this diary from the rain last night..

Nothing Usual

The things I supposed, will happen..
Didn't happened.
That day nothing usual happened.
God must be on leave for a day or few..
Mother must be fed up of us, all..

I call that reality

During winters..
When I lay in my bed..
I only see stars in the dark sky..
I call them hopes..
When I feel cold..
And a sheet of leaves cover my body..
I call that care..
When I can't sleep..
Sweet breeze sings lullabies for me..
I call that love..
When I dont wake up in the morning..
Sun shines at my face..
I call that reality..

A helpless love

It was a usual morning and after breakfast he went to get ready in the bedroom. Where I was lying on one side of the bed. Looking at him, my mind started searching for old memories, how he used to pick me in his hands and in return how I would put my arm around his neck. But not anymore.

These are old sweet memories. But now, I am getting old. I am getting older every day every second. Just like a flower loose its fragrance after one night, I think my night is getting over. I cannot help it, can I? I would really want to. I want to be loved as old days. I want to be chosen before he choose anything else. I am with him, since very long. This is how she should be treating me now?

In the eye of The God

We live with a stupid perception of having an afterlife, which these fake disciples of god, created. They who made THE GOD for their own lustful benefits, and to govern this society make people believe in that virtual power of yours as God.

The Life Long Dream

Life is such a dream like sequence. It is neither true nor false.
A lot of uncontrolled events happen in our life and so in our dreams. We flow with it, along the stream of a myth that it really exist, that everything, every event is true. We are not sure of it or are we? What is truth? Do you know anything that will prove to be true? Truth is what, which do not change with different seasons, in different circumstances or for different people.

Over The Phone!

He was abusing her very badly, on other side of the phone; I don't know how she would be reacting. But she must not be feeling any good about it. He told her a plan. That could lead him to jail. But he told her all, anyway. He didn't seem pleased. Why he wasted all that time then, I thought. He left the place soon after that.


She was crying on the phone. Tears trailing down from eyes to her lips but she was listening to him patiently yet she looked anxious. She wanted to tell him something but she stopped and preferred to listen to him. It seems to me that she wanted to stop him. If she wanted to, then why she didn't, I thought. She kept the phone and walked away.

On Road or Home

No matter how old you become, there are lots of questions that will keep rising in your head, sometimes because of your inner self while sometimes because of the outer world. As a traveler, I think, what you should care about, is the roads you travel and not the destinations you reach, because roads gives you the experience while the destination gives you few moments to rest. Roads either less traveled or daily, we should learn to respect their importance but we hardly do. We ignore the fact that these are roads that take us to the destination. Destination may disappoint you but roads hardly do so. You ride or walk, they will always be with you.

She laughed out loud

It was my first day in school. I was sitting on the first bench in the class with a girl, who later became my first crush of life. That day something happened, which shouldn’t have taken place in first.
I was making some stuff in my notebook, alphabets and all. I was sort of happy. All that noise of chitchatting was giving me feeling of being surrounded and safe. Suddenly everybody fall silent and stood at their respective places. I didn’t. I looked around, so found that a fat old lady was standing right in front of my desk and my teacher who was looking quite gracious before, became pale and silent.
But suddenly she said, “Prabhat, Stand up. Don’t you have any manner or respect of your elders? She is principal of this school.”

A movie or a riddle?

I must say "A riddle".

I am talking about a movie called "No Smoking".
It seldom happens that, each time you watch movie, you end up with different conclusions in the end.
It seldom happens that, each time you find some new detail, that you haven't noticed last time.
It seldom happens that, you can quote a movie as "A Riddle".
Based on an very abstract story Quitter's Inc. written by Stephen King, No Smoking takes that story to another level of abstraction.

The Money Collector

He put a key into the key hole and twist is a bit, but lock remains unlocked. He tried same with another key and the result was same.

Sam enters into that old filthy office and saw him.

“Those keys won’t work in that box, try this one.” Sam said and throws a key chain towards him.
He catches it and goes through the same process again.

She was crying; But he was not there

Winter had just started. Slight cold breeze mixed with the fragrance of jasmine was filling her nose small and cute nose. She was taking longer breaths than normal ones. Mona was standing beside the bench in the park. Moonlight falling on her face was making it glow more than the moon itself. This new moon too had water on its surface.

A man with my painting...

"I am hanging on this rusty nail, bitting dust, nobody cares for me now. Once, I used to be so famous but now i have lost my sheen, my beauty. That power of lust and seduction I used to show...To make people helpless to admire me... seems lost like fragrance of rose once it gets dry."

Rahul looked all around the museum but did not find anyone. "Did I hear someone or this is last night's hangover?", he ask this question to himself. Then his eyes fall on a painting. At first he was shocked and stunned what he has just seen. A lady in that old painting was looking at him. But later he thought he is just day dreaming. But in real he was not.

A Revenge - A Poem Sort Of...

Hanging upside down...
On a branch of that old tree…
I am trying to figure out…
Who they are…? Where am I?
I am trying to scream…
I can’t hear myself…
But their laughs brakes through my ears…
And my head is banging with fear…


Will they kill me?
What should I do?
I am pleading for my life…
I am asking for forgiveness…


They are coming closer…
I can see them now…
Those face…
I killed them… I stole their lives…
Now they are doing the same to me…
It’s a revenge…