Lost the meaning of silence

On her birthday I didnt call her.. I messaged her instead..
I don't know why I was so scared to talk to her..
I don't know why the voice that could made my day once became so fearful to me..
I couldn't gather guts to talk to her.. I thought what would I talk about?
I was not scared of talks I was scared of the silence that would follow after few initial question answers..
"Hi how are you?"
"I am fine. you tell??"
"Me good too.."
"And so.."
"So nothing.."
"Whats plan on birthday..?"
"Party with friends and all.."
"Hmmm.."
"Hmmm.."

And silence after that..
The silence.. that I thought was signature of our closeness for only close people can stay silent without feeling awkward..
Now that silence scared me..
Was that the first sign that we are not close anymore??
What could I do to fix that?
I kept thinking whole night...
But couldn't find any answer..

Is that what I called love?
If that is love.. why does that hurt so much?
Why it keeps me from talking to her..?
Perhaps thats what happens when love penetrate your soul..
Your mind and soul start that conflict and between that only the body perish..

Convenience of Time

'I am scared' he said, 'scared because perhaps in future, god forbid, there might come several moment when I will not be able to provide you with all the things you deserve. May be we left alone without home of our own and so no car not everything that a home possesses today. I earn less money now then I use to. I am not that well and happy anymore. I am going through a big trench caused by financial and mental crunch we suffered recently. Everything become inconvenient for us. At that moment I will need your hand to hold mine. You are the person i would believe in that bad time. If you would call me loser I will be shattered and kneel down in front of that situation to surrender and devour me. If you will say that we can get over with it together and you are with me, I would stand tall in front of the problem and soon attain victory over it. But I am scared that at such moment you will leave me. You will leave me on my own to fight alone with eveything. I am scared of being left alone by the one I believe in so much. Why, because the time is not that easy anymore? I am scared of such a time. I strongly feel some day may come when I will be broke. That time my love will the be worst and the best time for me. A woman can make man a winner or looser.'

She didn't say anything in reply. Because he said all of this to himself only.

A long forgotten Diary : A poem

A diary that got wet in the rain last night is drying fast..
I'm Wondering if I should make a trip to the memoir..
I turned a few pages with my left hand..
Ink has spread on the paper..
Like blue clouds in white sky..
Few words lost; even their impression gone from the paper..
I close my eyes to recollect what could have been written there..
On a few pages, even dates washed away..
I can't even identify them in my memories..
Butterflies playing in my heart; while I'm missing the old days...
And I am cursing myself..
What if I could have saved this diary from the rain last night..

Nothing Usual

The things I supposed, will happen..
Didn't happened.
That day nothing usual happened.
God must be on leave for a day or few..
Mother must be fed up of us, all..

I call that reality

During winters..
When I lay in my bed..
I only see stars in the dark sky..
I call them hopes..
When I feel cold..
And a sheet of leaves cover my body..
I call that care..
When I can't sleep..
Sweet breeze sings lullabies for me..
I call that love..
When I dont wake up in the morning..
Sun shines at my face..
I call that reality..

A helpless love

It was a usual morning and after breakfast he went to get ready in the bedroom. Where I was lying on one side of the bed. Looking at him, my mind started searching for old memories, how he used to pick me in his hands and in return how I would put my arm around his neck. But not anymore.

These are old sweet memories. But now, I am getting old. I am getting older every day every second. Just like a flower loose its fragrance after one night, I think my night is getting over. I cannot help it, can I? I would really want to. I want to be loved as old days. I want to be chosen before he choose anything else. I am with him, since very long. This is how she should be treating me now?

In the eye of The God

We live with a stupid perception of having an afterlife, which these fake disciples of god, created. They who made THE GOD for their own lustful benefits, and to govern this society make people believe in that virtual power of yours as God.

The Life Long Dream

Life is such a dream like sequence. It is neither true nor false.
A lot of uncontrolled events happen in our life and so in our dreams. We flow with it, along the stream of a myth that it really exist, that everything, every event is true. We are not sure of it or are we? What is truth? Do you know anything that will prove to be true? Truth is what, which do not change with different seasons, in different circumstances or for different people.

Over The Phone!

He was abusing her very badly, on other side of the phone; I don't know how she would be reacting. But she must not be feeling any good about it. He told her a plan. That could lead him to jail. But he told her all, anyway. He didn't seem pleased. Why he wasted all that time then, I thought. He left the place soon after that.


She was crying on the phone. Tears trailing down from eyes to her lips but she was listening to him patiently yet she looked anxious. She wanted to tell him something but she stopped and preferred to listen to him. It seems to me that she wanted to stop him. If she wanted to, then why she didn't, I thought. She kept the phone and walked away.

On Road or Home

No matter how old you become, there are lots of questions that will keep rising in your head, sometimes because of your inner self while sometimes because of the outer world. As a traveler, I think, what you should care about, is the roads you travel and not the destinations you reach, because roads gives you the experience while the destination gives you few moments to rest. Roads either less traveled or daily, we should learn to respect their importance but we hardly do. We ignore the fact that these are roads that take us to the destination. Destination may disappoint you but roads hardly do so. You ride or walk, they will always be with you.